Getting healthy from the inside out…

Me: *with dismay* “My pants aren’t fitting any better!”

Josh: “How much weight have you lost?”

Me: “None…”

Josh: “Well that’s why your pants aren’t fitting any better.”

Me: *flat out whining at this point* “But I feel like I’ve been at this foreverrrrr!!” (I may have stamped my foot, I neither confirm nor deny this)

Josh: “It’s been two weeks.”

Me: “Oh.”


This process has been exhausting and I’m not even maxing out my ability.  I’ve been upping my activity level with my FitBit Zip by trying to get 10,000 steps a day, but I’ll tell you, working in a busy surgical office all day minimizes your ability to get up and do some walking.  I do it when I can but it’s hard.  I think I average maybe 5-8,000 steps a day.  I can reach 10,000 when I’m super motivated and make a conscious effort to get up during my lunch break and go for a long walk or if I park at the hospital on a side street and have to walk half a mile to get to work.    I’ve also been running.  I try and go at least 3 times a week.  I usually run almost 2 miles, usually like 1.86 or so according to my GPS app and my Couch to 5k app.  At work I take the stairs instead of the elevator 99% of the time, and I work on the 4th floor.  If I park in the parking garage I’ll take the stairs all the way up.

My water intake and my diet could use some help.  I’ve been a lot better at not eating anything else after dinner, but again, not 100%.  I’ve tried to make better choices but more often than I’d like, pizza and too much pasta are included.

What I’ve learned so far is that I need to make a better effort at planning ahead.  A lot of my poor choices are made when I’ve run out the door without proper snacks and lunch or if I don’t feel like cooking when I get home.  I bought Jell-O to make for dessert but always forget to make it so instead of grabbing some jell-o or an apple, I’ll make tortillas or toast too late at night.

The changes I’ve noticed however, are very much internal and they are very big changes.  I no longer spend several hours after PTing coughing and wheezing.  Now that I’m on blood pressure medication and my BP is controlled (120/80 on Wednesday), I feel very different.  It’s difficult to describe but I feel lighter.  There used to be a heavy achy feeling in my limbs before.  That has gone.  When I run, it takes almost no time for me to catch my breath when I stop.  My muscles feel better.  The biggest change though, I’ve noticed just recently this week with the onset of my period.  Usually the week before the cravings set in, and they did, although not as severe.  Then, a day or so before it comes, the menstrual migraine will begin to build.  The pressure starts first and then the day of my period it peaks and I am miserable.  The cramping is miserable, the migraine is miserable and I feel terrible for at least 2-3 days.  2 of those nights I usually have to pop a Vicodin and go to bed early.  Its slowly been getting worse and worse since I had Aiden.  This week though?  Minimal.  The cravings were reasonable, the cramping was still there but definitely manageable without pain meds.  And the migraine?  One day, and a bad headache at the worst.  It makes me wonder how much of it had to do with my poor health and blood pressure issues.

Josh brought up a good point though, running is for lazy people.  This coming from a runner.  But he acknowledges that he’d rather run than do circuit training or HIIT that is actually faster and better for you.  I know a lot of my runner friends combine running with some other activity such as P90X or Kickboxing.  I’ve decided this is probably the route I should go too.  He helped me realize that while I am doing amazing things for myself by getting off the couch and making an effort, I need to actually DO something worthwhile.  So I’m going to start my Jillian Michael’s Body Revolution again along with the running.  I found myself wondering how to convince my husband to let me buy P90X, but then I remember that’s ridiculous because JMBR is pretty much the same thing, Biggest Loser style.  Perfect for people like me who have 50+ pounds to lose.  The only drawback is that she has us getting up and down off the floor a lot and us big girls aren’t very good at that.

All in all, I’m finding the changes motivating, but still struggling to STAY motivated.  I’m hoping adding JMBR will help me see some physical changes, but I know no matter what my biggest and loudest fan will be my husband and that’s all I need 🙂


Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment


I bought a fitbit zip today!  Its the cheapest one they make, but it does what I need it to do.  I tracks my steps, calories burned, and distance.  Now I just need to find a way to add a widget to this blog!

Today was rough. The water pill they put me on to drop my blood pressure makes me feel terrible. I feel light headed and shaky and I’m sweating ridiculously when I exert myself. Between soreness from yesterday, the side effects of the water pill and a cranky mood from what I’m sure is sugar withdrawals, I’m not a happy camper. Its keeping me on track though. Feeling like crap is reminding me that I put myself here, its up to me to fix it. Josh and I didn’t have time for dinner so we went to Popeye’s. Obviously there was nothing on that menu I could have so we tried Wendys. Aside from their salads there was nothing there either (I had a salad for lunch). So I left empty handed! That was pretty huge for me. Now, I did finish the last 5-6 of Aiden’s Cajun fries though. I went home and a had a bowl of raisin bran.

This fitbit is incredible. It is accurate (we counted and tested it) and its so smart. Somehow it knows the difference between me tapping the screen to change views and actual steps. It links up to your account and syncs itself every time you get near the USB dongle you stick in your computer. You can also track your water and food!


No widget, so lets see if the link works!

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Its Do or Die. Literally.

Early last week I woke up one morning and could feel the all too familiar pressure building behind my eyes that was a precursor to the nasty migraine I would have to deal with later. 

Side bar: Menstral migraines have plagued me since Aiden was born, but the last couple months they’ve gotten steadily worse.  I also have high blood pressure.  I’ve had it for a while and it caused some significant issues when I was pregnant with Aiden.  I am notoriously a terrible patient though and have never once taken any of the blood pressure meds I’ve been given.  Me and pills have never gotten along.  Pain meds, birth control, even just cold medicine.  I’d rather suffer than take a pill.

This particular day, though, the pain just kept building and wouldn’t quit.  By lunch at work I was in tears and ready to claw my face off.  Luckily I am surrounded my doctors and nurses and someone took my BP.  It was 173/129.  Normal is 120/80.  My boss let me go home but Josh asked me to go to the ER.  They gave me IV meds to bring the blood pressure down and morphine for the pain.  The morphine only just took the edge off and the second it started to wear off I knew it.  By the time they discharged me and the shuttle dropped me off at my car, I was fighting back vomit.  I somehow managed to drive home, took a Vicodin and passed out in bed.  The headache subsided by that night but over the next four days a small headache and nausea plagued me.  The ER had told me to start taking the BP meds my doc had prescribed me but I’d never taken.  I did that.  But after four days of not feeling well I had them take my BP again and it was 160/114.  Not nearly as bad but still terrible and explained the headache and nausea.  I got in to see a nurse practitioner at my PCP’s office.  I’m now on good meds to lower my BP and a low salt diet.

Doctors have been talling me all year, straight to my face “You’re going to die.”. ” Your kidneys are going to fail.” “You’re going to have a stroke or die.”. And I never listened.  Why?!  Its not like I don’t take them seriously.  I watched my mom have a mini stroke when she was 37.  I watched my mom die.  I know death.  But for some reason, sitting in that emergency room, it hit me.  I was finally scared.  Yesterday as I waited to see the doctor I was so furious with myself.  Why?!!! What the f**k is wrong with me that I’m willing to let it get this bad because I don’t like pills?!?! Really?!?! I could have died.  I could have left my 3 year old son with no mom and my husband a 30 year old widower.  Or worse, I could have had a stroke eventually and been a vegetable.  A burden on my husband and son for a lifetime.

So, no more.  I’ve let my past and the people who have wronged me dictate my present and future.  I am who I am right now because of ME.  I have let myself go terribly and its inexcusible.  I need to be healthy and present for my husband and my son.  Not overweight and slowly killing myself because of hurt that took place a lifetime ago.  Its time to take me back and do some renovating.

My husband and I have been gardening and building and engaging each other again after so many years of shift work and separation. 

Today we PT’d together and I bought healthy groceries (I usually buy healthy groceries, but I am a compulsive overeater and I binge.  I’m hoping I can get the binge eating under control by remembering that doing so is killing me.  Is this pack of cookies worth dying over?  Is sneaking this extra meal at work when no one is looking worth losing my life over?  No.  None of it.

PT today was brutal.  We walked down Walter Reed hill, ran a mile, and then walked UP Walter Reed hill.  I almost barfed.  Currently my ribs and diaphragm feel like I was beaten up.  My feet are killing me.  But I want to do more because I hate feeling like this.  Weak, and shaky and pathetic.  I want to get strong so I don’t have to feel like this ever again.  I want to run as fast and as long as my husband can.  I want to walk into Target and see a cute dress and be able to buy it for less than the $80 a big girl clothes store would charge.  I want to pass a mirror and not be disgusted.

I want my outside to look like I feel inside!



Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Lost and Found

Let’s revive this bitch, shall we?  I’ve found new footing, maybe this pull will give up its jackpot 🙂

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Protein Shakes

If anyone is doing protein shakes/meal replacement shakes like me, I just found this amazing link on Pinterest FULL of great shake ideas to mix it up a bit!  I’ve been falling flat creatively in trying to keep up with these shakes, luckily the brand I got tastes decent so just adding some unsweetened almond milk and a couple splenda have made the shakes tasty, but they need something MORE.  That’s where this site comes in!  I’m going to be buying some vanilla protein powder this weekend, tons of fruit and a couple extracts to get my creative juices flowing!

Bottoms up!Image

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Sunday is laundry day….

This is utterly hysterical.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Spousal Motivation

Yesterday my husband and I went to Gravelly Point to PT and afterwards he was talking about wishing he had a running partner.  We talked about a couple different people he might be able to run with, but none seemed like a good fit.  I felt terrible that I was so fat I wasn’t an option.  I mentioned that I wished I could run with him and he immediately perked up and said he did too and we could race together and be running partners and maybe he could sign us up for a ten miler and that could be my motivation.  He was so stinkin cute getting excited about running with his wife.  Maybe this will be the motivation I need?

Started meal replacement protein shakes today.  I’ll do that 3 days this week and eat healthy the other two days.  One day at a time one week at at a time.

I’m desperate.

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments